¿Quién es Quién? Tuesday 3/22/16 #29

Con dinero baila el perro

Dr. Bellman thinks “Leonardo” called him about making a donation or starting some kind of health-related project. Ah, no, this is more personal. He needs Bellman’s professional services for a young man who… “Well, let’s just say he got hit with La Llorona’s curse and he needs a limpia with an egg the size of Godzilla’s.” No seriously, he said that.

Over drinks, “Leonardo” tells Bellman about poor Santiago getting thrown in jail for fraud and his dad dying of a heart attack, and now his only family is a sister “Leo” hasn’t been able to get in touch with. Bellman wonders if “Leonardo” knew him personally and Pedro evades with “Did you know Rockefeller gave money to charity?” He’s had a nice life and he wants to help people, that’s all. Bellman, almost as an accusation, asks if “Leo” feels guilty for being a millionaire and Pedro makes a joke about being able to invest his guilt and it earns interest. Bellman really gets a kick out of him. He finally asks the patient’s name and mentions that “Santiago’s sister” (no name) has also been in touch with him. Pedro basically tells him he’ll pay Santiago’s expenses.

Bellman admits he’s interested in the case, but his schedule is packed. There’s no way he could see Santiago himself, but maybe he could make a recommendation…? Pedro counters that maybe Bellman’s referral doc could take some of those surgeries he’s planning and Bellman could concentrate on Santiago instead. And of course, we’re not worrying at all about the money, amirite? Yeah, Pedro speaks Bellman’s language.

It’s all arranged. Bellman will go check out Santiago and see if there’s anything he can do for him. Pedro will call the hospital and make the arrangements. And, um, “Leonardo’s” name won’t be mentioned. He doesn’t like to get publicity for this sort of thing.

Once Bellman’s gone, Pedro loses his fake joviality and sneers at the doc. Basilio, who had been sitting at the next table the whole time, with his back turned, comes over to sit with Pedro. Pedro’s annoyed with this doctor who’s more interested in money than helping patients. Basi reminds him that’s the world he’s living in now. Money talks.

And speaking of money, how are they going to pay the good doctor? “With what we get from the investment.” Nope. Basi says there’s no way. MORETZ was a lousy choice. MORETZ is like…like Capurecita Rosa (Little Pink Riding-Hood) in a pool of sharks. And yes, he does mean Rosa, not even Roja. Pedro says MORETZ is just going to have to come through. They pray!

Dinner at Casa Fuentemayor

Humberto’s still checking out the “porn” and Fabi tells him to just erase it. I’m not 100% sure he did. Ignacio comes in with Ivonne and Humberto applauds him for his taste in women as Ivonne isn’t just beautiful, she’s also hardworking. Fabiola tells her to just skip the “Doña” and call her Fabiola. Nora is asked to have the kitchen staff go ahead and serve dinner, but also to ask Connie to come downstairs.

That’s not happening. Connie is frantically pushing buttons, trying to resurrect her fried computer. She tells Nora she’s not coming down and blames it on Fabiola. Turns out she did remember leaving the laptop on the bed and when she came back it was on her desk. She knows it was Fabiola because they had just argued about…never mind. She’s just not coming down to dinner.

Humberto mentions that “Leonardo” won’t be home for dinner. He hopes he’s out making up with Fernanda. Humberto’s phone rings and he answers it, but dismisses the person on the other end of the line as a jokester.

Nora’s announcement that Connie isn’t feeling well gives Fabiola an excuse to “go check on her,” aka “call Armando from the study.” Armando wants Fabiola to show up tomorrow prepared for a day of I-don’t-even-want-to-know-what and bring $1M with her, or he’ll send the rest of the video to Humberto. And there’s some great footage of her O-face, so…. Fabiola doesn’t even get a chance to RSVP before he hangs up on her.

Ivonne is loving Nora’s cooking. Fabiola’s distracted and blames it on worrying about Connie. Ivonne has a sister Connie’s age and she’s just starting her rant about whiny, annoying teenagers when Connie arrives. She’s polite and a little too affectionate with Fabiola.

Connie has a perfectly innocent but weird-sounding conversation with Ivonne about the need for computer security and surge protection. Humberto looks amused until she gets to the part about how you never know when suddenly your machine could get fried for no apparent reason. She explains that she just found her laptop in that condition and he says he’ll have someone check the wiring and send over a new laptop. “Oh, thank you, Bert, but I don’t want to take advantage! I don’t want you to think I only love you for your money. Right, MOM?!” She almost drags Fabiola into her lap with a big hug around the neck and Humberto looks concerned.

Well, dinner was lovely, but Ivonne really needs to get home now. She looks…unhappy…when Ignacio says he’ll have the chauffeur drive her home because he has a financial report to put together for Don Fermin. Was she perhaps led to believe this date was going to end with a second dessert? IfyouknowwhatImean. AndIthinkyoudo.

Ignacio walks her to the door while Humberto tells Fabiola that he likes the two of them together. Of course, the only thing Fabi cares about is whether Ivonne loves her son. Connie: “Hey, speaking of love, mom–How’s Armando?”

Yeah, of course she means Armando, Fabiola’s hairstylist. He always speaks so LOVINGLY on the phone to her that Connie thinks she’s starting to LOVE him, too. Anyway, nice dinner, good night! After she leaves Humberto asks Fabiola what the hell that was about. “I told you, Connie’s been weird lately.” She says she’ll ask for some tea to be sent up and meet him in the bedroom. Humberto sits at the dining table with a pensive look on his face.


Fernanda tells Dani about her total strikeout with Bellman. Dani’s also heard that Bellman only takes cases from people who can afford to pay a fortune for treatment. “I can get the money.” Mhm, how’s that Fer?

Fernanda has apparently told Dani about the paperwork “Leonardo” signed and she’s horrified. Fer’s not like that. She has principles. Using that paper is stooping to their level. Well, with people like that, you’re either the hunter or the hunted and Fer’s tired of being their prey.

Ah, young love

Sounds like Eugenio and Tania went on the perfect date. Horror movie with zombies…check. Riding a roller coaster…check. Winning a giant stuffed bear…check. When it’s time to head home, Eugenio gives Tania a kiss on the cheek. Tania can’t resist jumping up and down excitedly once he’s gone.

“Pedro” is still kinda mopey. Not about the money so much as Paloma moving out. He’s gotten used to Cachito running around the house, and ever since they moved in he stopped feeling anxious at night. Knowing she was right down the hall made him feel better, and he thought about her a lot. “What about?” “Making love to you.” “What?!” Um…wrong answer?

No, they’re good…she was just startled that he was so direct. He tries to take it back. “So…you don’t want to make love to me?” (Ha!) No, it’s not that. He’s just worried that it will change things. This all feels weird to him, all these warm squishy (un-Leonardo-like) feelings and people are calling anything “love” these days…Paloma assures him this is real. *smoochies*

Termi brought Cocó some tamales for dinner. She texted him earlier to say she’s never leaving her house again. Sunlight is for good, honest people so she’s, uh, becoming nocturnal. Or something. He says if anyone messes with her, Terminator will destroy them. But it rhymes in Spanish, so he wants to write it down. Cocó has been thinking about it all day and, you know, with the cat suit and all the actual cats, that wasn’t destiny, was it?! She backs him into the front door with only the power of her hot pink manicure and asks him WHO gave him the idea.

Termi frees himself, evades the question, says she really needs to get out of the house and, uh…No comment! She blocks him getting to the front door and starts threatening to tell all his dirty little secrets–that he’s the one who hit the butcher’s car, that he pinched Yesenia on the butt at last year’s Posada…she doesn’t have to get any farther than that and he spills about Mister Enigma and the notes. She believes him. But who is Mister Enigma, and how did he know she’s not pregnant, Cocó wonders.

Our favorite couple have moved on to dinner and wine. Actually, it looks like Basi’s having dinner and Pedro’s having dessert. As they natter on about the good life and getting used to having all this money and the MORETZ investment Pedro decides to try some of what Basi’s having. He reaches over, spears a forkful, then looks alarmed to find greens on the end of his fork, and flicks them off. Basi reaches over to taste some of Pedro’s dessert. And they just keep talking the whole time. They’re so great together.

At the Bar-ena

Lupe re-wraps Yesenia’s ankle so she can stuff her foot into her platform heels. Ow. I sprained my ankle once and being able to walk in heels didn’t happen until LATE in the healing process. They joke about those faux-Hawaiian moves not going over so well with the crowd last time, but Yesenia’s going to try something else.

Ruben knocks on the door and they scramble to get “Candy” masked and seated behind the dressing table. She’s barely able to walk the few feet and then she fumbles to get the mask on. Ruben pleads for an interview with her and “Candy” agrees, as long as it’s short, and then proceeds to watch him try to quickly assemble his equipment. That’s not a euphemism.

So, um. Candy la Candida was born on an island. Never mind which one. And her father was from Russia and her mother was from India. And they traveled. And she was born. That’s all you need to know. Ruben thinks, from her dancing, it must have been an island in the Caribbean. “If you like.” Well, he’s, uh, heard that you can tell where someone’s from by their feet. He’d just have to look at her bare…AT HER FEET! Her bare feet! And hey, what a coincidence–Candy sprained her ankle “too.”

Oh, who else sprained her ankle?

A girl I know.

Your girlfriend?

No. I don’t have a girlfriend.

But you like her.

She’s not bad, but “like”? I like you.


Lupe calls an end to the interview and hustles Ruben out the door. If he didn’t get it after that….

Upstairs, Chamoy combs his beard (ugh, stop with that!) and asks Melquiades about “Pedro’s” newfound business sense. Mel says it’s weird but true. He’s got this plan for the Mercado and Mel showed it to his accountant and the accountant says it’s professional-quality. Considering that according to Chamoy Pedro couldn’t even learn his 0 multiplication table as a kid, that does seem odd.

After dinner

Fabiola tells Ignacio about Armando, the sex tape, the $1M demand, and the threat.

Humberto wanders into his bedroom and remembers overhearing Fabiola’s side of the phone call with Armando and yeah, it does sound fishy. I mean, I’ve personally never accused my stylist of harassing me and then had to be talked into an appointment, so maybe that’s just my bias.

When Fabi shows up with the tea and starts trying to put the moves on Humberto, he jumps out of her reach and says he doesn’t like the way Connie was bringing up Armando. She says that’s just Connie being cranky because of her computer and “you know how she blames me for everything!” She sweetly reminds him she doesn’t like it when he gets jealous.

It occurs to me that Fabi acts less like a mother and more like Ignacio’s younger sister, always needing big brother’s help; and Connie’s older sister, always tormenting her.

Sueñus interruptus

Pedro dreams that a new version of Fernanda visits him in his room. She’s not his Guitarrita and she’s not Fernanda, she’s The Future Mrs. Perico Perez. She’s dressed in a veil, big round sunglasses with white frames, a jacket, flared jeans…and roller skates. She knows he’s Perico and she understands…he did it all for love. The smooching starts and clothes start coming off.

Gwen screws it all up by waking up Pedro and he offends her by saying he’ll reconfigure her–and not by going to Control > Changes > Reconfigure > Clock > Alarm…. “You’re fired!” Gwen shuts down and Pedro panics. “Are you there, Gwencita?” “Voice recognition detects hostility and rejection towards this unit.” Pedro says he loves her and asks about his horoscope. This is a favorable day for him–any business he starts today will be successful. He asks if she forgives him. “Of course. Anger isn’t in my programming.” “Good thing, cutie,” he mumbles as he flops back onto the bed.

Not fab at all

Fabiola stops by Connie’s room so she can make sure to unleash her venom as soon as Connie gets out of the shower. She brags about how Connie’s little ploy was all for nothing. She’s got Humberto eating out of the palm of her hand, so Connie might as well give up. Connie asks if Armando’s eating out of the other hand. She thinks it’s gross that Fabi has two different men touching her, kissing her, having sex with her. Fabiola just basks in the thought and tells Connie she inspires men to want her. Connie, on the other hand, doesn’t.

Once Fabiola’s gone, Connie stands in front of the full-length mirror and drops her towel. Whatever the mirror actually reflects is probably twisted by Fabi’s hateful words. There’s a special circle of Hell waiting for you, Fabiola.

Nora gets to be the one to inform Fabiola that both Humberto and Ignacio went off to work early. Fabiola asks…demands?…that Nora sit down and drink coffee with her. She knows Nora and Connie are friends. She’s sure Connie has said things to her. She won’t ask Nora to divulge confidences, but she wants Nora to hear her “side.” She claims that Connie has never forgiven Fabiola for leaving her father, but she doesn’t understand that he was a celópata (someone with pathological jealousy) and he was controlling and abused her. “If she talks bad about me again, keep in mind what I just told you.” Special circle of Hell, Fabi. Special circle of Hell.

Not buying what Fabi’s selling

Humberto hadn’t called off his PI and he calls him again and demands results–TODAY! He remembers watching Fabiola walk into the Luxury Hotel.

Humberto reviews the “porn” video. I guess he doesn’t recognize the shoes. Ivonne interrupts him to bring him the market reports. He’s not at all surprised that MORETZ is down. That was kind of a no-brainer. But the fact that “Leonardo” bought $30M in shares of MORETZ is news to him.

Speaking of surprises

Fernanda comes home and finds “Leonardo” waiting outside her apartment. She’s not in the mood to hear his excuses, but he’s not there for that. He would have liked to do this in a fancier way, but he says he can’t really expect any more of himself and…he drops to one knee, presents her with a bouquet of roses, and asks her to marry him.

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Author: 5ftLatina

Kat is 5ftLatina. She is really 5' tall (and probably shrinking) and Latina. She is not actually a cactus, but she is both prickly and cute. Mr. 5ft is actually married to Kat, but is not 5' tall or Latina. He is also not a form of plant life.

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4 years ago

Thanks for the wonderful recap, Diva! There were a couple of conversations that I couldn’t follow because of talker speed, so I appreciate catching up on what I missed with your fabulously detailed recap! I also agree with you that “Leonardo” and Basi are so cute together. Their scenes always make me laugh. Spot on with chastising Chamoy for his gross and incessant beard combing! The other day when he did that while Ysenia was eating was especially disgusting. He’s out of prison now and needs to quit that habit. Fabiola deserves the worst for her psychological abuse of Connie.… Read more »

4 years ago

Thanks, Diva! Fantastic recap. So much entertainment here. I especially liked:
““Candy” agrees, as long as it’s short, and then proceeds to watch him try to quickly assemble his equipment. That’s not a euphemism.” Ha ha. and…
“Our favorite couple have moved on to dinner and wine. Actually, it looks like Basi’s having dinner and Pedro’s having dessert.” They are our favorite couple, it’s true!
I can’t decide who’s creepier – Justino or Chamoy. I’m afraid of both of them.
Tracy, I too am enjoying Cocó and her quirky personality.
Thanks again, Diva.

4 years ago

Thanks so much, Diva!! As always, I was highly entertained by the show and your snarky take on the action.

“the power of her hot pink manicure” I love your way with words.

You are spot on with a special place in hell for Fabiola. She is absolutely awful. She’s working her way towards “on par with Justino.”