Silvana sin Lana Thursday 8/4/16 #13

For a crappy used van it sure has caused a lot of drama

Margarita heard about the van painting party and she’s convinced it’s all part of the Villaseñoras’ evil plan to take over the neighborhood or whatever. Padre Whippersnapper is on his way over to bless the van. Benito wisely doesn’t admit that his interest in Trini is anything more than friendship, but even that’s enough to annoy Marge. She actually uttered the words “I’m going over there to mark my territory.”

Marge shows up and drapes herself all over Jorge. Don Benito comes over with Padre Sanchez, who blesses the van. Trini internally complains about his sandals. Benito busts out some champagne and the kids complain about not getting to drink any. Stella shows up to drape herself all over Manuel and swig champagne before going inside to make lunch. Well, at least the van got blessed.

Angie mopes over Jorge and Lupita knows it. She thinks Jorge likes Angie. He always tries to get away when Margarita’s kissing him. She gets Angie to admit she likes Jorge too and encourages her to go after him.

Stella starts forming an alliance with Lucha. She went shopping and bought her black stretch jeans and a black top with gold sequins that Lucha actually likes. She even seems to like the perfume and lotion Stella got her. Lucha ends up apologizing for the other night. And then they bond over how “viejas” are always all over Manuel, fresas use everybody, and the neighbor can’t seem to manage to do anything without Manuel’s help.

The bashing of Chivis continues with complaints about her crying in front of Manuel…because apparently when a woman cries in front of a man it’s always a ruse. Who knew?! I guess I missed that page in my manual. Manuel senses a disturbance in the Force and goes up to Lucía’s room to find out what they’re up to.

La Sirena

Poncho’s dance partner shows up at the house looking for him. Her name is Jennifer and she insists on referring to him as “Alfonsito.” Dom answers the door and it takes him a minute to figure out what and who she’s talking about. Then he runs upstairs to scold Poncho for sleeping around just because Stella won’t pay attention to him.

Jennifer proposes another night of dancing and sex, but she left the kids at her mom’s house this time. Poncho begs off, claiming the combination of back pain and his sister’s wedding. Dom is only too happy to back him up on both counts and get Jennifer and her allegedly-cheap perfume out of the house.

Making a play

Jorge dances around his living room singing the show’s theme song. Angie comes over to ask him to be her alibi tonight. Lorenzo wants her to work again and she figured she could tell her mom they were going to a school party together. Jorge doesn’t mind, but no one will believe it. She’d never go to a party with someone like him, right? And besides she wouldn’t want him to get his hopes up. He admits he heard her talking to her sister, but leaves out the part about the peephole, saying their rooms are right next to each other.

Angie explains that she only said what she did to Majo because she doesn’t like Majo knowing her business. (Come on, man, you live with three siblings, you know how it is!) She still has to convince him, and I thought maybe a kiss would do it, but she goes for a nose booping instead. Well played, Angie. Ponchito runs downstairs to tell him Margarita is on the phone and rather than trust him to tell her that he’s in the bathroom, Jorge runs upstairs to answer. He calls down to Angie that yes, he’ll go to the “party” with her.

Stella’s working on lunch and bragging to Manuel that she got Lucía to loosen up around her. Soon she’ll have won over all the kids (muahahahaha). Manuel asks why she told Chivis that he had already asked her to marry him. Ummmmmm…of course she never said that! Gosh, that Chivis! She tells Manuel Chivis is a mitómana (chronic liar), but it takes her two tries (cleptómana and pirómana were the first two). Uh huh.

Andres comes over to visit Majo and finds Vicente washing the van in his driveway. Vicente congratulates Andres on his engagement and invites him out dancing later with Majo. Because Angie’s new job isn’t difficult enough already.


Majo and Chivis are hanging out in her room admiring Majo’s engagement ring. She suddenly wonders how her dad proposed. Chivis laughs, remembering he hid the ring in an ice cube in a glass of whiskey. They get to talking about how funny he was and his awful jokes and how he was always the life of the party. Majo gets weirded out that they’re saying everything in the past tense…because he’s coming back, right? And if he really did do something terrible, they’re going to forgive him.

Chivis changes the subject to Majo’s engagement and why she doesn’t seem as happy as Chivis would have thought she would be. Majo admits she’s never had feelings for anyone but Andres and she’s afraid he’s going to notice. Chivis advises her to tell him. Lupita comes running in to announce that Andres is downstairs.

Majo runs downstairs to Andres with the brilliant idea to celebrate their engagement with their 300 closest friends! Andres is cool with that, but they also have an invitation to celebrate tonight with…Vicente. Wah wah wah. Sorry, Majo, but Andres likes him and thinks he’s a cool guy and a night of salsa sounds like fun. She can’t talk him out of it.

Silvana’s trying to pick out an outfit for work tomorrow and Trini makes a crack about overalls and a mask so no one will recognize her. Silvana just laughs–that’s the point, though, that people know her. Besides, she hasn’t done anything wrong, she was just married to Antonio José. Trini takes issue with the “was,” insisting she’s still married. I’m worried about the “hasn’t done anything wrong.” Who all did AJ cheat and are her old friends going to see it that way? Angie interrupts to get permission to go to the class “party” tonight. She gets it, but Trini’s worried the girls are getting to close to la casa de al lado (ha!) and Silvana should be setting the example and keeping her distance.

Majo catches Angie and begs her to go to the salsa bar tonight. Um…uh…no? She tells Majo to try to get out of going, but nooooo. Majo is convinced she’s got to go, Angie has to come with them to “protect” her, and if she doesn’t do it she’s a bad sister. Angie eventually gives in and says she’ll go.


Stella is spending the night again. This time she brought her modest PJs…which are still short, but have long sleeves and a higher neckline and aren’t an animal print. Meh.

Chivis was hoping to catch Manuel on his balcony and he makes her wait a touch too long before making his appearance. They talk about Majo’s upcoming wedding. Manuel offers to be a padrino…if her husband isn’t back yet. She hopes he will be or that would be hard on Majo. But does she want him back…? Anyway, if he does come back, Manuel wants the vacuum cleaner, but she’d better not move. The kids would miss her kids too much. Stella shows up to ruin the moment.

Chivis can’t wait to excuse herself and Stella reminds her not to show up late to work tomorrow. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m very responsible, plus I had the best teacher.” Stella says they’ll try to keep it down since she knows the walls are right next to each other and Chivis is alone, so she wouldn’t want her to get excited. OK now that’s just tacky.

A complicated dance

The awkward foursome arrive at the salsa bar and Angie gets started on her multitasking for the evening. She tells Majo she’s just, um, going to find the bathroom and Majo had better not leave the two guys alone, right?

She goes to the bar to get her apron and beg her boss NOT to schedule her on Sundays again and ask about getting an advance. He tells her he’ll think about it, but she needs to put her hair back, get to work, and not break any glasses tonight!

I’m not sure how long Angie can keep this up…every time Lorenzo sees her, he tells her to put her hair back. Every time Majo sees her, she wonders what Angie’s doing with her hair put back…and why she’s wearing an apron…and carrying a tray…and serving drinks. Angie’s able to get by with “Oh, hahaha, you know how funny people are around here! Buncha jokesters!” but how long is it going to last?

Angie’s next trick is pretending she just lost track of them in the club. Majo is suspecting Angie’s got a boyfriend stashed away in there someplace. Vicente asks Majo to dance and Andres is totally cool with it, of course, because they’re bros now. Majo’s not so cool with it and gets fed up with Vicente’s antics.

By the time they get to the table, Poncho is there and commenting on how Majo’s been at the club every night. Angie steps in to insist Poncho’s just confusing her with Majo. Everyone does it. It’s the eyes. And Angie’s not dating Vicente, she’s just, um, realized she has a love of salsa and he’s been teaching her. She begs Andres not to say anything to her mom. Poncho says it must be the lighting in here. Yeah. Because they look so alike.

He excuses himself and Majo begs Andres to leave NOW but Angie says she’s staying. Vicente will take her home later. Like he “always” does. Majo and Andres leave and Angie tells Vicente to leave her sister alone…and then she gets back to work.

New day

Poncho’s late for work again. Dom blames it on Jennifer, his sirena and announces to Stella that Poncho has a girlfriend. Poncho denies it until Stella says she’s spent two nights at Manuel’s house and she’s sure they’ll be getting married within the month. Oh yeah, well, in that case Poncho DOES have a girlfriend and THEY’RE getting married within the month.

Chivis’ first stop is her old golf club, where she reclaims her snoot and tells Security she’s not leaving until she talks to the administrator. She’s been a member here all her life ¡qué tal! And no, she will NOT move her van!

Security comes back with the message that Antonio José hadn’t paid membership dues in six months, so they won’t let her in. In that case, she wants the administrator to come out and talk to her. Before that can happen, a woman in the driveway traffic jam gets out of her car to see what’s going on and recognizes Chivis.

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Author: 5ftLatina

Kat is 5ftLatina. She is really 5' tall (and probably shrinking) and Latina. She is not actually a cactus, but she is both prickly and cute. Mr. 5ft is actually married to Kat, but is not 5' tall or Latina. He is also not a form of plant life.