Silvana sin Lana Tuesday 9/6/16 #35


Vicente’s excited about Poncho’s bachelor party. So is Pedrito, but he’s not allowed to go. Vicente mumbles to Jorge about the excellent pole dancer he hired and everyone shushes him.

Jorge wonders how Manuel’s doing, since “te comieron el mandado” (they ate your groceries; sexist way of saying someone “stole” your SO). Aw, please, like he cares. Lucha thinks it’s weird Stella was so in love with him and moved on so quickly.

Vicente brings up Majo working at the market and Lucha makes fun of her, imagining her spritzing the fish with perfume. They get back to talking about the wedding and Lucha says she’s taking Andres.

Majo calls Andres. It’s predictable. She’s trying to be cutesy about getting invited to Stella’s wedding and the first face that popped into her mind was Andres’…no silly, not Vicente’s, his. Whatever, he’s going with Lucía. Majo begs him to think about her vesicula (gall bladder) and how long they’ve been together. That…makes no sense. Andres angrily says she’s not the center of the universe and besides, Lucía called him first.

Majo has no choice but to ask Vicente if he has a date yet.


Angie gets to work and Benji starts flirting with her by complimenting her work ethic. Angie didn’t realize tonight was Poncho’s bachelor party. Benji says he’s not joking, he wouldn’t do that to his prettiest colleague. Angie: “You need a favor, right?” No, he just wanted to ask her out. Just to avoid problems, though, does she have a thing with Jorge? Angie says she used to, but not now.

It’s evening and the guests have arrived. Don Benito is worried this is all going to be too wild for him. When Angie arrives to take drink orders, Vicente orders a round of beers, over Manuel’s objections. Jorge notices Benji flirting with Angie. Before they get started, Manuel gives a little speech wishing Poncho happiness.

Jorge goes over to tell Angie he thinks he’s taking Margarita to Stella’s wedding. So Angie invites Benji. Right in front of Jorge.

Ponchito’s touched to have all his friends there for him. Don Benito’s obsessed with the idea of strippers showing up. Vicente finally announces it’s time for the exotic dancers and I brace myself for the punch line.

It’s a chicken in a boa. Heh! Everybody gets a kick out of it and Poncho gets up on stage for the obligatory lap dance portion, which is more lap than dance. It turns out Dom was in the chicken suit.

One week later

Looks like it’s wedding time. Trini and Majo are both all decked out, as is Vicente when he comes over to pick up Majo. I don’t appreciate Trini’s mumbled “la mona, aunque se viste de seda, mona se queda” (a monkey dressed in silk is still a monkey; the clothes don’t make the man). She’s already hitting the whiskey and shuts the door in Benji’s face when he comes to pick up Angie. Trini mumbles to Angie about him being better looking than Jorge and I think we both wish she wouldn’t drink and talk. Chivis comes downstairs, excited about going to a party. She begs Trini to please not be a pain in the ass today and behave herself. Good luck with that.

Manuel’s at Stella’s. She comes downstairs in a wedding dress that looks like the designer was inspired by Ashley’s final collection on Project Runway but thought “NEEDS MOAR!” She’s got the floral headpiece, the sheer, the flowers at the hem, the long train with ginormous flowers. It’s all great in theory, but it seriously needed to be dialed back. I can almost like it if I ignore the skirt and the train. Well…and if I ignore that it’s Stella.

She starts harassing Manuel for a final goodbye again. He refuses, untangles her train from the living room furniture and tries to get her to leave. I think this is a mistake. Just run around the living room a few times, let her tangle that train, and make a run for it, Manuel! She keeps fishing, asking if there isn’t something he wants to say to her…? About his feelings…?

Manuel takes her hand and very sincerely says he hopes she’s happy with Poncho. Stella, exasperated, gets the show back on the road. On the way out the door there’s a moderately funny exchange about “Did you call for the Uber?” “Was I supposed to?” “You’re the padrino!”

At the church, Majo and Angie see the dates they’d rather have standing with the dates THEY’D rather have and it gets all awkward. Majo deals by complaining to Vicente, who does his best to cheer her up, saying she’s the prettiest girl here aside from Trini. Angie deals by pulling Benji forward and introducing him to Andres, Lucha, Jorge, and Marge. She deliberately introduces Marge as Jorge’s girlfriend, which Marge asks her not to because Jorge gets upset. “No I don’t!” (Um, yeah, you do.) There’s banter about people who move on quickly.

Majo checks to make sure Andres is comfortable so far from his usual zip code and Lucha steps in to suggest they all cool it–it’s Poncho and Stella’s big day. They all start heading inside and Vicente jokingly places a drink order with Dom and Poncho in their tuxes. Jorge does the same. They do look pretty sharp.

Poncho’s worried about Stella being late, but Dom’s not. And what if Stella’s run off with Manuel? He warns Poncho to prepare for the worst. Poncho says he’ll be married to Stella in an hour. (I’d say that’s the worst, but whatever floats your boat, Poncho!)

In the Uber, Stella’s still trying to get Manuel to crack while Manuel tries to stay as far away from her as he can in the back seat. She starts telling the Uber driver that they’re exes and Manuel is dying of jealousy. The guy just nods. Stella warns Manuel not to interrupt the wedding. He gruffly tells her she’s marrying his best friend, so, have some respect!

The white tulle and pink flowers theme continues in the decorations inside the church. I tune out Trini hassling Don Benito about what she imagines happened at the bachelor party. She moves on to whispering to Chivis about the tacky wedding décor. It’s marginally more mature than Majo turning all the way around to ask Lucha where she bought her dress–so she can never shop there. Lucha thanks Andres for coming with her, he thanks her for inviting him, and Majo leans on Vicente’s shoulder to try to make Andres jealous. I’m guessing.

Poncho sees the Uber arriving. Manuel helps Stella and her hundred pound dress out of the car. Poncho’s in awe. He realizes he should be up at the altar waiting for her and suddenly panics at the lack of anyone to walk him down the aisle. Dom reminds him it’s FAKE…therefore he’s the padrino, the madrina, and the flower girl. Now, get a move on! They have plenty of time since Manuel’s trying to untwist Stella’s train.

The crowd in the church erupts into applause as Poncho and Dom walk in. The Padre cues Juanito with his recording of the wedding march. More cheering as Stella and Manuel walk in and while NOW Stella’s train makes more sense, it’s still seriously heavy and getting in everyone’s way.

When it’s time for everyone to wish each other peace, there are plenty of people wishing each other peace who don’t mean it and others who are trading puppy dog eyes along with their wishes of peace. Stella’s starting to panic, but Poncho’s content to leave it in God’s hands.

It’s time for the vows. Poncho took no chances–he brought the rings. Poncho easily agrees to accept Stella as his wife. Dom gets a little choked up. Stella smacks her gum in response to the Padre asking her if she takes Poncho and looks back to Manuel like “Object already!” She’s not even remotely subtle.

She finally turns around and TELLS Manuel to stop the wedding already. She says, right in front of everybody that this was all to get Manuel to do something! Which then means that he tells her, right in front of everybody, that he doesn’t love her.

As she flees the church, her train mysteriously disappears. Dom goes running after her, shouting “STELLA!” Heh. The Padre tells Juanito to play some music as Manuel turns on Poncho. He knew this was all fake! How could Poncho go along with this! Poncho bursts into tears and grabs Manuel, also screaming after Stella.

So much for the party

Back at the house, Majo and Trini snottily declare this kind of thing only happens in tacky ‘hoods like this one. Angie wisely offers to fix Benji a sandwich so they can hide out in the kitchen before things get really ugly. Lupita asks her mom why Stella didn’t marry Poncho. Oh, Majo and Trini have that answer–Stella was only marrying Poncho to make Manuel jealous because Manuel’s in love with…er, someone else. Lupita knows exactly who that someone else is and quite happily places the blame for this whole mess on Chivis.

Stella’s still running. I think they put her in sneakers for this bit, but who can tell with all that skirt! She nearly gets run over and the guy driving the car, thinking it’s Dom she’s running from, quite generously offers to marry her himself. Dom stops to argue with the guy before resuming the chase, picking up the blinged-out wedge heels Stella definitely wasn’t wearing in the earlier portion of the chase. It looks like she’s heading for the beach.

At Manuel’s, he’s still scolding Poncho and telling him to cut the act. Poncho has to explain to him that this was real for him. Until the last minute he had a tiny glimmer of hope that Stella would marry him, even though it was all fake for her. She has no idea that he’s in love with her or that he hasn’t been faking all this time. Manuel gives him a pitying look and a pat on the shoulder.

The chase continues, and she took it to the beach. Everything’s too bright and the colors are too saturated and the water looks amazing.

Lucha brought Andres back to the house. Up in her room, she gratefully takes off her uncomfortable shoes and says she’s glad there’s no party because ow! Andres is disappointed. He wanted to get his dance on–he shows of his moves. It’s funny.

Lucha starts snarking on Majo and even though she thinks they’re doing the “just friends” thing…bad move. Because now Andres starts defending Majo, saying she lashes out when she’s nervous. He’s trying to forgive her and talking smack about her isn’t going to help him. Lucha asks if he’s thinking about getting back together with Majo, but he doesn’t know. He admits he thinks about Majo a lot. He begs Lucha not to hold it against him if he does ever get back together with Majo, because he’d hate to lose her as a friend.

Erm…Lucha wasn’t expecting this. She makes ugly faces at Andres as he says he’s starting to think she didn’t do it on purpose, she was just confused. Oh, that Lucha gets. Someone nice shows up and treats you well and you get confused. Andres is trying to have some empathy for Majo. She lost her dad, her whole life got turned around, school’s not going well–Lucha interrupts. He does know she’s not even going anymore, right? She’s working at the fish market with her mom.

More Stella running. She causes a traffic accident and CLIMBS over the cars so she can keep on running.

Angie’s kind of embarrassed she asked Benji to come with her to this train wreck of a wedding. When he thinks of the groom’s face he feels bad, but when he thinks of the bride yelling at the padrino he laughs. “So I guess you’ll never accept another invitation from me again.” Of course not! They start sarcastically insulting each other until they run out of insults.

Benji suggests that since they’re not going to get to dance, maybe they could go to the movies instead. Angie agrees. He just wants to know, is Jorge still “after” her? Angie doesn’t think so. Benji looks happy about that.

At Casa Benito, Benito, Trini, Juanito and Jorge get to work on the cake. Might as well, right? Marge and Trini really go off on how happy Angie looked, how handsome Benji was, how obvious their chemistry was. Then they argue over which one of them would have/deserved to catch the bouquet. Jorge joins in, saying Marge is too young to even be thinking about marriage. Benito scares Trini by asking if she’s ever considered marrying again.

Stella. Still running. I wonder how far she’s run. Dom’s getting tired. She finally stops and looks over the side of a bridge into the water. Dom tries to talk her out of jumping, begging her not to leave him. He points out they’ve run enough for a month and they should go home now.

Stella plops down on the sidewalk in a nest of flowered skirt. Manuel was “supposed” to come after her, not Dom! Dom joins her, calling her ungrateful. “If I didn’t love you, I’d throw you off this bridge!” She cries on his shoulder.

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Author: 5ftLatina

Kat is 5ftLatina. She is really 5' tall (and probably shrinking) and Latina. She is not actually a cactus, but she is both prickly and cute. Mr. 5ft is actually married to Kat, but is not 5' tall or Latina. He is also not a form of plant life.