La Piloto Monday 4/03/17 #20

Cielito Lindo

The obnoxious creeps in the cantina keep being obnoxious. And what’s the solution, according to Yoli? “Just don’t look them in the eyes when you take their drinks to the table. Act like they don’t exist.” Why? Because there are no bouncers? How is this a good idea?!

John calls. Does Yoli’s mom know where they are, by any chance? Because one of his guys in Altamirano said Dave went over to her house. Yolanda lies and says not only does Estela not know where they are, she doesn’t know they’re together.

She sneaks into John’s office to call Estela and asks what she told Dave. Estela’s annoyed at the lack of privacy, but she swears she didn’t tell Dave anything. Yolanda reminds her if she breathes a word, even a hint, John’s going to stick her in an acid bath. He’ll chop her into pieces. Estela didn’t need the reminder.

The obnoxious creeps have finally gone too far. One guy grabbed Amanda by the hair. Since John’s people have a total lack of initiative, Yolanda has to be the one break it up and tell that guy John left behind to watch her to take out the trash.

Still, their ringleader finds Yolanda’s attitude a turn-on. She puts her gun to his crotch when he says she needs to learn to respect men. I’m pretty sure she basically said “Check it out, I’ve got a dick too!” She switches to pointing it at his head as she tells him not to worry–her gun doesn’t go off accidentally, she shoots it when she wants to. She has Cañola and the “girls” take the rest of their guns and tells the creeps to get out. One of them at least is promising to come back later and get revenge.

Outside, Lizbeth lays into Zulima for not doing anything to help and Yoli has to break it up.

Desperate measures

Zuli brings Yoli back to her cabin to talk. She asks how Tía Rosalba is doing, but there hasn’t been any change and Carlina can’t do anything more for her than what she’s already doing. Yolanda complains that even with modern medicine there’s nothing to be done.

Zulima suggests they look into…alternative medicine…remedies. “¿Brujeria?” Nooooo, of course not. She just…learned some stuff from a curandera when she was little. Some herbal remedies. Yolanda’s willing to try anything to get her aunt to wake up.

Zuli gets the candles going and starts ringing a bell over Rosalba’s body. She says the vibrations will tell her where the problem is and start fixing it. Then she starts burning a bundle of herbs. I think the woo is too much for Yolanda–could Zuli maybe use some privacy…? Zuli thinks that would be best. To let the energies concentrate. As soon as Yolanda’s gone, Zuli whips out her beads, cigar, and rum and gets to doing that thing she does that isn’t brujeria and it sure as hell isn’t curanderismo! She tells Rosalba she isn’t getting out of this one. (Really? All this just to kill her? A pillow wouldn’t have been easier?)


Dave wakes up in his car in Altamirano. Montgomery calls–he just got to Tres Fuegos and he wants to see Dave and Dean NOW. He doesn’t care that Dave is out of town. He tells him to get back to Culiacán. Dave calls Lopez to tell him to keep watching Estela.

It seems to take Dave all day to leave. Eventually, Lopez shows up and Dave gets him set up to take over listening duties and starts heading back to Tres Fuegos.


Yoli had a nightmare in the middle of the night. It sounded like was telling Dave not to leave her. John woke her up, but Yoli couldn’t remember what she was dreaming about.

In the morning Yoli uses the computer at the front desk to look up Dave. The very first search result is his profile on the DEA website, complete with picture. I can’t decide if that’s hilarious, realistic, terrifying, or maybe it’s all three? Zuli catches her, but Yoli swears it was just a general search…to see if they’d said anything about the Lucios, et al.

Uh huh. Zuli pulls a “Hey, I’m your friend, you can trust me,” and Yoli admits she’s been having the same dream about Dave all week. That she and John killed him. She hates him that much, yes…but she doesn’t think she could kill him. She just doesn’t want to be unfaithful to John, not even in her thoughts. Or her dreams.

Zuli thinks what’s really going on is that Yolanda’s in love with Dave. “Did you sleep with him?” Yoli admits she did. And she doesn’t know how she feels about him. She knows he used her. He treated her like a piece of meat, just like every other man. He slept with her to get to John.

As for John…she doesn’t want to be unfaithful. He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to her. Zuli says that’s gratitude, not love.

And here comes Oscar. He starts out asking if they’re working or gossiping (try asking yourself that, Oscar); then he gets after Yoli for being on the Internet even though she’s clearly not (ok, not at the moment…but if it’s that big a deal then don’t have Internet hooked up!); then he starts accusing her of using brujeria to control John because he’s sure she’s not THAT good in the sack.

John comes in and finds Oscar pointing his gun at Yoli and Yoli telling him to go ahead and shoot. John breaks it up, Yoli leaves, and Zuli sticks around to witness the scolding.

John doesn’t know what Oscar’s problem is, but he needs to get used to the idea that Yoli’s going to be around. And if he doesn’t like it, he knows where he can go. John’s not kicking him out, he’s just saying the next time Oscar disrespects Yolanda he’s going to rip his [something bleepworthy] off. Zuli gets a giggle out of that.


One of the guys comes running up the drive, apologizing for being down the hill. Oscar tells him he doesn’t care–just get the gloves, his too. The guy comes out with, I dunno, gardening gloves maybe? Zuli follows him and Oscar.

They’re fighting gloves. Oscar spars with the guy, taking out all his anger with John. Oscar pins the guy and I swear he’s about to kiss him, but he suddenly senses Zuli watching and flips over, pulling his gun on her. (Which…if he’s using his lover as not just a sparring partner, but a stand-in for John while he does it? Levels!) Oscar sends the guy back to the house.

Oscar doesn’t like Zulima telling him she didn’t see anything and there’s nothing wrong with it even if she did. She tries telling him she can’t stand Yolanda either. Maybe if they work together they can rid of her. Oscar’s not sure he believes her. Zuli says she hates that she busted her ass working for this business and got nothing, but she brings Yolanda in and now she practically owns it, just because of her pretty face. Zuli knows she’s after their money.

Oscar always thought Zuli was a hypocrite, but he never expected this. He wonders if she’s lying to him now, trying to help Yolanda. Nope. She’d never be friends with that zorra. “And what are you, Mother Teresa?” No, but at least she’s loyal. She doesn’t go sleeping with their enemies. He didn’t know? Yolanda was sleeping with Dave Mejia.


In Tía Rosalba’s room, John whines at Yolanda to just ignore Oscar. OK, he sees that she doesn’t try to get to him, right? But Oscar’s always taunting her. She thinks he’s worried she’s going to steal John’s affection from him. He’s always talking smack about her aunt and she can’t stand it. John promises he’ll do something to placate Oscar.

As they’re hugging, Yolanda looks over and sees Rosalba open her eyes briefly. Carlina comes to check on her and says it could have been a reflex. She warns Yolanda not to get her hopes up, as much as Carlina hopes she recovers. She does think Rosalba needs rest–there are some topics of discussion that may be stimulating her brain and getting her heart rate up. It’s best if they leave her alone for a while.

Back in their room, Yoli swears to John that if her aunt pulls through, she’s going to turn some corner of this place in to a chapel to the Virgen. John starts getting frisky, but Yolanda’s all weirded out about doing it in the house. She wants to go away somewhere, just the two of them–no phones, no radio, no guards. John likes that idea and he has just the place in mind….

John takes Yoli swimming at a nice little bend of river with blue water.

Back at the house, Amanda takes a pregnancy test. It’s positive. Tía Rosalba’s eyes flutter open again and then she flatlines.

John gets a little lost in thought. He decides to ask Yolanda what’s up between her and Dave. Why did she say his name in her sleep the other night. Yolanda says she doesn’t know–she was sleeping. She probably dreamed about a lot of things. She doesn’t know why he’d be one of them.

Yolanda admits it hurt that Dave tricked them, tricked her. He made her think he was her friend, but he used her to get to John. That’s probably why she dreamed about him. She swears that’s all it is.

Vaquero interrupts their private time to say something happened with Tía Rosalba. John gets all weird about him turning around so he doesn’t look at Yolanda. (Dude, she’s wearing a bikini–if you think he shouldn’t be looking at her like that, then can we talk about those damn cantina uniforms again?)

Maybe a diagram?

Oscar and Zuli relocate to the lawn. He loves that Zuli’s now given him the perfect excuse to kill Yolanda. Zulima tells him not to be such a brute. They can employ a little strategy and get Yolanda to get herself in trouble and John will take care of her.

Oscar doesn’t think the news that she slept with Dave is going to be enough to do that. (Uh, but you think it’s enough that if you killed her, you’d get away with it?) Zulima says that’s not her only secret. When they came here, Yolanda’s mother came with her. She freaked out over all the action and left. Yolanda had Vaquero take her away and she left with a lot of cash. Oscar remembers the missing $50K. Now he’s really looking forward to killing her.

Zuli says he doesn’t need to get his hands dirty–she can take care of this. Oscar agrees, but if she doesn’t then he’ll kill them both. Zuli’s confident he won’t need to.

She warns him to be careful what he says to John about Yolanda. If Zuli comes off looking like a gossip, the plan will fail. (Yeah, all this strategy is way over Oscar’s head.)

Vaquero comes over to tell Oscar that John is talking to an Israeli who brought in a new communications system and wants Oscar to join them. Oscar thought John was with Yolanda at the lake. Well, he was, but then they came back because of Doña Rosalba. “Did she die?!” He’s practically giddy. Vaquero laughs–she came back like Christ from the dead.

“This is the last thing we need,” Zuli mutters to Oscar.

Good news and trouble

Tía Rosalba is back, and she’s conscious. She’s so grateful to Zulima for what she did. Rosalba thinks all Yolanda’s friends are so nice. Carlina reminds Rosalba they’re going to start her physical therapy soon. (Damn, she does it all!)

Since everyone’s in such a good mood, Amanda announces that she’s pregnant. Rosalba looks around like “Is this good news?” Everyone starts congratulating her. But she hasn’t told Arley…but she’s sure he’ll be happy when he finds out. Zuli scratches her face to hide her smirk.

Arley’s busy driving down the road acting like he thinks he’s all that. (Seriously, the posturing is embarrassing for a man over the age of…12? And definitely kids would be saying “Please, dad…no!”) He picks up a woman by the side of the road. I don’t know if this is Cindy from the bar or someone else. He takes her to Cielito Lindo, which is currently closed, and she puts something on the jukebox to show off her teiboldance skills.

Yolanda’s plan is to try to keep her aunt from finding out what John and Oscar do. Zuli thinks that’s silly to think she wouldn’t find out anyway, but ok. They all agree not to say anything.

Carlina comes out of the cabin with Rosalba in a wheelchair and the questions start–where are they? Olivia gives her the official cover story. This is Aerotours–an aerial tour company. Right, but why is she here? Zuli says Yolanda works here–she’s a pilot. Rosalba’s so happy that Yolanda finally fulfilled her dream. Zuli excuses herself to go to Cielito Lindo and Amanda says she’s off to find Arley. Yolanda reminds them to be careful, after last night.

The Obnoxious Creep from last night sends his hench guy out to get their guns back and bring him Yolanda…by the hair, if he has to. He wants her tied to his bed. The hench stares at him before asking if that means he should buy rope. (Wow…ok, I hope you weren’t overly attached to this hench.) Ew, not only is he an obnoxious creep and a wannabe rapist, he picks up a container of orange juice and drinks straight out of it.

The guy who drives Zuli over to Cielito Lindo tells Amanda that Arley should be here–he said he had to pick up some stuff? Amanda psychs herself up to go in. Zuli goes with her because she has infallible drama radar.

Sure enough, they find Arley in the office with whoever that is he picked up. (So disappointed in you, Arley…so very disappointed….)

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Author: 5ftLatina

Kat is 5ftLatina. She is really 5' tall (and probably shrinking) and Latina. She is not actually a cactus, but she is both prickly and cute. Mr. 5ft is actually married to Kat, but is not 5' tall or Latina. He is also not a form of plant life.