La Sultana Monday 12/3/18 #25


Zülfikar’s hanging out, thinking. And why not do it where there’s a nice view if you can?

Ahmed comes up and asks him what’s going on. Is he not getting used to things in the palace. Does he miss his bros?

Zülfikar assures him nothing makes him happier than being here. It’s something not really important, but…he saw Derviş with Fahriye at the monastery. He didn’t want to say anything without talking to Derviş first, in case Derviş was planning to tell Ahmed himself. But apparently he never did intend to tell Ahmed.

Ahmed’s upset that all the people he loves and trusts are behaving this way–first his mom, then Kösem, and now Derviş. (But he just expected it from Safiye and Fahriye?) He’s off to sleep so he can forget.

Council chamber

Ahmed’s thoroughly pissed off this morning. The guys who were sent to round up Nasuh Pasha have brought him in and Ahmed’s giving him a chance to make his excuses before he dies.

Well, he had to run. And he had to behead the governor of Anatolia. It’s Cigalizade Pasha’s fault (who I think we’ve previously been calling by some other name that I can’t find). He was supposed to send reinforcements, but nope. If he didn’t take off, hundreds of soldiers would have been killed.

So Ahmed asks Cigalizade Pasha what gives.

“Um…I sent the reinforcements, but…well, you know what the weather is like.”

Nasuh begs forgiveness. He would never betray Ahmed. He should be looking at his Viziers–who keep ignoring the Celali. And if Ahmed took commanded the army, they could end the rebellion.

Derviş tries not to look surprised when Ahmed asks Murat Pasha’s opinion instead of his.

Murat says Nasuh is an experienced estadista (statesman). The mistakes of the viziers and Cigalizade Pasha are pretty obvious and should be considered. He thinks Ahmed should pardon Nasuh.

So Ahmed says he’ll let Nasuh live, but instead of being the governor of Haleb, he’ll be in Diyarbakir.

Secret baby

Safiye visits Uskudar, the guy who made the amulet/shirt. They’re waiting for Iskender to show up. All Uskudar can say so far is he’s sure it was the exact same shirt.

Ahmed’s room

Ahmed finds a basket of jasmine flowers and a note from Kösem begging forgiveness and begging him not to deprive her of his presence.

Ahmed calls Zülfikar in and asks what’s up with the flowers.

Well, the Ağas were cleaning his room and Kösem took advantage of Ahmed’s absence to leave the basket. Zülfikar didn’t think it would be a problem, but if it is….

Ahmed asks how Kösem’s doing. Is she being taken care of?

Zülfikar tries to hide his smile. He says he’s keeping track of her health, like Ahmed asked him to, and she’s healthy.

Secret baby

Iskender’s on his way to Uskudars when another Janissary spots him and tells him to get back to HQ. They’re starting the preparations (for the initiation?) and everyone’s supposed to be there. Iskender keeps insisting it’ll only take a minute, but this guy decides to escort him back.

Seven Months Later

Do they not like having to do fabulous maternity dresses or what? Kösem’s going into labor and she wants Ahmed. Cennet thought it would be better to call the midwife first, but OK.

Well, that was quick. Cennet told Ahmed the baby was on the way and next thing we know he’s being wrapped up and handed to Kösem.

Ahmed comes in and he and Kösem smile awkwardly at each other. Kösem hands him the baby. (WHY was she giving birth in a gown with extra sleeve dangling from the elbow? Seriously, there’s a time for fashion and a time for comfort and not having twenty miles of fabric getting tangled in the sheets.)

Cennet comes out of the room, hooks her thumbs into her belt like this is a Western, smirks and tells them all it’s time to party ’cause Kösem gave birth to a prince. (Seriously, just picture Cennet with a cowboy hat and a pistol at each hip, it totally works.)

Mahfiruz is on the verge of tears. I think Halime and Menekşe, showing up late, can guess what’s going on by the look on Mahfiruz’s face.

Ahmed names the baby Mehmed, after Sultan Fatih Mehmed Khan. He hands the baby back to Kösem and then gets up and leaves. Damn, this guy can hold a grudge.

Ahmed’s room

Kösem comes to visit, reminding Ahmed that she’s asked his forgiveness a bunch of times already. No, she’s no longer the innocent Kösem–Safiye killed her off.

His response is that she keeps talking about herself and what she’s been through and she broke his heart. She can go.

Kösem tells him he’s a father now and he knows what it’s like to have unconditional love for a child. Her father showed up here to find her once, but Safiye caught him first and took him hostage. She threatened to kill him and said she’d let him go if Kösem convinced Ahmed to let her stay in the palace. She lied to him to save her father’s life, but in the end Safiye killed him anyway. Maybe she should have told him this from the beginning, but she was scared. She was afraid for her father’s life and she used Fahriye’s secret to get Safiye out of the palace.

Ahmed hugs Kösem and kisses her on the cheek.


Mehmed comes looking for Safiye, but she is so over him! She’s not running away again. She’s tired. Her family will kill her the second she sets foot outside. Mehmed picked Şahin over her and that’s when it was over. She won’t let him touch her hands and tells him to leave or she’ll scream. He’d better not dare to come near her ever again.

Mehmed walks out and runs right into Şahin. I’m just…I’m gonna need a minute here…he never left town?! All the crap he’s pulled and Mehmed says he never wants to see him again and here he is, cleverly disguised in a cloak with his snotty face hanging out for everyone to see.

He’s vowing not to abandon Mehmed and saying maybe he can redeem himself. Mehmed sighs and tells him to get a move on before someone sees him.

Mehmed, babe, read a book on toxic relationships. Get out of this cycle!

Old palace

Ahmed comes in, scolding Safiye about all the crap he keeps hearing about her and how what he heard today is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

(But, first things first…THAT TIARA IS FABULOUS AND I WANT IT!)

Kösem told him what Safiye did to her dad. Bülbül’s face: ” oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap….”

Handan hears all the fuss and goes to see what’s going on.

Safiye says it’s a lie. Yeah, Ahmed’s not buying that. He used to respect Safiye, even at her worst, because his father entrusted her to him. But that is O V E R! His patience has limits (so we’ve heard).

Safiye says she’s always paid the price for what she’s done and she’ll do it now.

OK then. Ahmed’s cutting off her allowance and transferring everything to the royal treasury. She won’t be able to get to even a cent of it. They’ll see what she does then.

Out in the hallway, Handan asks if something bad happened. Ahmed says he’s here to take her home. His palace needs a Sultana Madre.

One of the women at the door passes on the chisme to Bülbül. And Safiye says it’s time for them to rise up. Bülbül’s thrilled. Sadness just doesn’t look good on her. So what are they going to do?

Safiye says Ahmed’s time is over and he won’t be on the throne for long.

Haci’s excited about Handan coming back. Handan goes to Safiye’s to gloat. I mean, I get it, but why not just get out?

Gosh, Handan’s so sorry to leave Safiye alone here.

“Don’t waste your breath.”

Handan taunts her about losing another child as soon as Fahriye leaves the monastery.

Eh, she’s sure Ahmed will be merciful. And everyone around him is already ready to forgive her. Like her husband.

Handan doesn’t think Safiye should count on Derviş’s support. After all, Derviş was in on the trap that got Fahriye thrown to the wolves.

Safiye looks the tiniest bit worried.


Derviş is happy to see Handan again. She asks if he’s still married to Fahriye.

Well, while she’s in the monastery there’s nothing Ahmed can do to annul the marriage.

Handan remembers him saying he wanted to start a new life. How’d that work out for him.

Derviş doesn’t think it’s possible for him.

Gurbuz reports to Kösem–he still can’t find Safiye’s treasure and Safiye found out from Pervane that Kösem and Derviş were working together. Safiye’s still got Kösem in her sights.

Old Palace

Safiye complains to Nasuh that the girl he brought back from that island has turned into an enemy. She’s working with Derviş, who advises Ahmed. If they’re going to get Ahmed off the throne, they’ll have to remove Derviş. Kösem too.

Nasuh says all armor has its weak point.

Bülbül comes running up to tell Safiye that Halime wants to see her.


Kösem finds Derviş in the hallway and tells him Safiye knows she got Fahriye’s letter from him. They need to be careful. She’s capable of anything.

Derviş says Ahmed has “clipped her wings” and it won’t be so easy for her to recover.

Kösem’s not as confident as he is.

Ahmed’s room

Murat Pasha’s headed to Edirne. Something something war stuff, Zülfikar wants to know when they leave.

But Ahmed says he’s not coming. He’s gotta stay home and guard the princes.

Zülfikar is not feeling this plan, but it’s what Ahmed needs. (The line to give Zülfikar a hug starts here.)


Halime asked to meet with Safiye to tell her the times have changed and she should forget the past.

That’s unexpected. But Halime’s starting to fear for her life. Handan threatened her as soon as she got back. And look, Halime knows Safiye’s not going to want Ahmed on the throne after this and she knows Safiye’s doing something about it, but she needs a heir and she doesn’t have one. Which means this time Safiye really needs her. (I’m not entirely following this, but hopefully they’ll explain their nefarious plans.)

Middle of the night drama

Derviş is sitting on his couch surrounded by books and papers, asleep. I didn’t know Derviş slept.

Lala Mehmed Pasha sent a message asking Derviş to come to the council room. (Allegedly. ‘Cause I don’t know if I trust this guy.)

Kösem wakes up in her room and the baby is missing.

In the council chamber, it turns out neither Derviş or Mehmed Pasha asked to see the other.

Kösem runs screaming through the lower floor of the harem, saying the baby is missing. Haci’s the only calm one, sure someone took the baby to feed him.

Handan comes to the balcony opposite the harem and Haci tells her they don’t know what’s happening yet, but it seems that Prince Mehmed has disappeared.

And in the council chamber Derviş and Mehmed Pasha are still arguing about who wanted to see who and for what purpose. And suddenly, Mehmed Pasha realizes his tray of tasty snacks was poisoned…and he blames Dervish.

Handan goes running into Halime’s room, but she doesn’t seem to have any idea what Handan’s talking about.

Zülfikar gets to the council room with a bunch of guards and the guy who delivered the (poisoned) tray of food tells him that Mehmed Pasha said that Derviş poisoned him before he died. Derviş says this is ridiculous. He’s ready to go back to his room, but Zülfikar isn’t letting him leave.

Kösem, Cennet, and Gölge are still running around looking for the baby.

Zülfikar has Derviş put into a cell. He knows Derviş and Mehmed Pasha were enemies.

Derviş tries to threaten him with “You’ll pay for this!” but Zülfikar is ready to pay whatever price he has to for the safety of the harem and the princes.

Kösem finally hears the baby crying…someone’s holding him, standing on the balcony…Safiye. (Zülfikar, can we talk about this whole “security” thing?)

Safiye acts like there’s nothing weird about her coming over in the middle of the night to meet the baby and taking him for a walk while everyone is sleeping. At least she hands him back over to Kösem, but damn! She wishes him good fortune and says the only bad luck is that he has Kösem as a mother.

Kösem starts screaming at her, trying to figure out what she’s doing there. Safiye says Kösem has to get used to the reality. One day, they’ll take her child and she’ll never see him again.

Kösem’s like you think you can just walk in here and steal my baby and get away with it?!

Safiye’s like, what’s wrong with that? I just wanted to visit my great-grandson and tell him one of those stories that’s full of lessons.

A calabaza (squash/pumpkin) brotó (brotar, sprouted) next to a huge plátano (banana tree), and grew to the same size. It asked “How long did it take you to get to this size?” The banana tree answered, “40 years.” The pumpkin smiled, “What took you 40 years took me three months.”

Someone’s hurrying through the halls. They see Gölge and run faster.

So, Safiye’s the big tree and Kösem’s a pumpkin?

Safiye says she’s not done. Summer and spring passed and winter arrived. The pumpkin grew pale and lost its leaves. The banana tree told the pumpkin it was dying. The pumpkin didn’t know why. “Because you grew to my height in three months when it takes 40 years to do it.”

“You still need experience, Kösem.”

Kösem says she’s not some passing breeze. She’s a storm. A storm that’s going to wipe Safiye off the face of the earth. She takes the baby and goes back inside. Safiye just smiles the self-assured smile of a woman who knows she has a tiara to match every outfit.

Gölge circled around and ends up in front of the woman running, who immediately swears she’s innocent and they made her do it! Gölge smacks her and starts dragging her down a hallway. Then a guard shows up and while Gölge’s tangling with him, the woman stabs Gölge in the back, literally, before running off again. The guard pulls the knife out and starts using it to stab Gölge. She keeps her hands around his throat.

Kösem and Eycan get back to Kösem’s room. Handan comes running in and asks where he was. “With Safiye.” And yeah, they’re all wondering how the hell she got in and what’s going on with security.

Gölge walks in, dazed, and then falls on the floor. She’s still breathing, but Haci notices the blood. He goes running for the doctor while Kösem tries to tell Gölge to hang on.

Gölge dies.

This sucks!

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Kat is 5ftLatina. She is really 5' tall (and probably shrinking) and Latina. She is not actually a cactus, but she is both prickly and cute. Mr. 5ft is actually married to Kat, but is not 5' tall or Latina. He is also not a form of plant life.