Previously on Betty: Betty told Marcela Armando is telling the truth when he says he’s with her. Nico catches Betty and Armando snogging. Betty’s dad throws a party for her birthday. Marcela doesn’t believe he’s going, so she and Pati follow Armando.
Armando. Ricky. Bar. Ricky thinks he sees Pati and heads to the other side of the bar, but she sneaks off to another area to ply a couple of customers with free drinks.
Giovas is getting overheated from dancing with Aura Maria. She breaks it to him that she’s going out with someone else.
Sandra’s trying to entice Wilson, but he’s all “Hey, did you see how I danced with Aura Maria.”
Excuse you, Sandra’s got some moves too! She pulls Aura Maria away from Giovas so they can dance together. In an alternate universe they’d ditch the boys ’cause who needs ’em. But in this one they just dance. Wilson’s getting a little too excited watching them.
Berta’s having a great time at the food table.
Inés doesn’t think Betty’s having such a good time, but she promises she’ll use her people-maneuvering skills that she learned organizing events for Hugo.
Sofia’s drunk and gets a call from Charlie. Berta hears her saying she’s at a party. And yeah she had a good time too. And she’ll call later.
“Who were you talking to?”
Sofia says she was talking to the plumber.
Nu uh, not gonna work. Berta hates when people try to deny her food or chisme. (Sometimes…all I need is the air that I breathe and some chisme….) And she knows that wasn’t the plumber.
Sofia says it was Efrain.
“LIAR!” If Sofia doesn’t tell the truth, their friendship is over.
Ricky gets back to Armando. Armando has decided he needs to get this over with. Ricky gives him a pep talk with Bikini Woman’s picture as a focus.
Pati bumps into a server, calling attention to the other side of the bar, so she claims there’s a rat. A vicious rat. Well, yes, Pati, there is a rat. A blonde rat in a backwards baseball cap and ridiculous sunglasses.
Pati gets back to Marcela’s car and tells her to step on it!
The entrada now has 50% more Betty than usual. And it’s saucy!
Sofia keeps denying there’s a man, so OK, Berta will figure it out on her own.
Betty pokes her head into the kitchen to tell them if they don’t come sing Happy Birthday NOW there won’t be any cake.
Aura Maria’s dancing with Mariana now. And Julia’s worried that the music is too loud and the neighbors are going to complain. Betty tries to get them to sing, but the next song gets everyone’s attention. And Mariana’s way less interested in getting everybody out soon. She figures Betty might as well tell Nicolas to come over and that way she can tell her dad and get it over with.
Armando zooms up to Betty’s house. And Marcela follows and parks behind a mini-van, where presumably he won’t see her.
Pati is freaked out at the neighborhood. Does Armando’s lover live here? He’s really lowering his standards! It looks like one of those places where they’re looking for America’s Most-Wanted criminals or something. But at least she’s got her pepper spray. ‘Cause it’s like the Bermuda Triangle here, they could disappear.
Demetrio sees Armando in his car and invites him into the house. Pati thinks it looks like Armando’s getting kidnapped. (Well…she’s not entirely wrong.) Demetrio teases Armando about it being safe to leave the car parked outside.
Marce sends Pati out to spy. Pati whines that it’s such a cliché that the blonde dies first. But OK, she’ll do it because Marce’s never again going to refuse to do her favors, right?
Inside the house, there’s more dancing going on and everyone wants Betty to join in. Armando comes in with Demetrio and startles everyone. Julia helps Betty off the floor and notices the looks between Armando and Betty. She gets between them as soon as she can and asks Armando about his novia.
Um, she was feeling sick. But thanks for the invitation.
Julia drags Armando off to the kitchen to have some tamales.
Berta seems to notice something outside and Pati makes a run for it. She steps in dog poop and complains that even the dogs are dirty in this neighborhood. Um…do rich people’s dogs not poop? Damn, Pati!
Berta says she could have sworn she saw the güera de farmacia.
Pati and her poopy shoe get back in to Marcela’s car to tell her that’s Betty’s house, the guy was Betty’s dad, and they’re in there celebrating her birthday.
Marce’s embarrassed for herself. She thinks she needs help to control her jealousy.
Pati says she thinks this whole thing could be a setup for Armando to meet up with the other woman! Marcela said the other woman was smart, right?
Marcela’s distracted by the smell. She starts spraying Pati with perfume and then tells her to get out and go spy some more.
Finally everyone’s singing Happy Birthday. Sandra stops Betty before blowing out the candles to ask if she made her wish already. Betty touches Armando’s hand and says it nearly already came true.
Pati gets back to the window just after that and watches Betty blow out the candles. Armando wishes her a happy birthday on behalf of everyone at V&M and says she’s special to all of them. Betty gets her face shoved in the cake. But she totally got a mordida.
The Mean kids, boys only, have been watching Pati sneaking back and forth and finally make their approach. Because apparently they get lucky with things like “Are angels falling out of heaven?” and “Ooh, two for four.” Marce tells them to back off or she’ll call the cops.
Inés starts winding up the party, pulling food and alcohol out of people’s hands and saying they’ve had enough to drink and enough to eat and they’ve zangolotearon everything they cared to. They’re leaving now.
Aura Maria says the party’s just getting started. Sofia says no one has thrown up yet. Armando’s face: “Damn! Y’all got too much energy!”
Inés thanks Betty for inviting them, but they’ve all gotta work tomorrow.
Armando, holding a bowl of chips, says that’s right. They’ve got a lot of work to do. So he’ll be going now.
Not before he takes some tamales for his novia! (She would not be giving him those tamales if she knew how Marce would turn her nose up at them.)
Armando gets a text from Betty about meeting him at the corner of 8th.
Pati pepper sprays the boy Mean Kids. And now the girl Mean Kids jump in to attack Paty and Marce and call the cops themselves.
Demetrio directs Giovas and Wilson to put the furniture back in place. Betty goes over to ask the Pelotón to help her sneak out to meet her boyfriend.
Mariana’s on it. She asks Demetrio for permission for Betty to come out dancing with them for just two songs pleeeeeease!
The cops have arrived and the Mean kids blame Pati and Marcela for attacking them. Pati starts talking about “People like them,” and the cop arrests Pati and puts her in the back of the police car.
The really sad thing is that no one caught it on video and no one from the party was looking in that direction. So unfair!
Armando takes off. The Pelotón are excited about Betty’s Big Night and they want to wait with her until Nico shows up. Or walk her to the meeting spot so they can meet him. Inés is like “Seriously, people, give her some privacy!” Aura Maria wants a full report tomorrow.
Enrique shows up in a taxi to take Berta, Sofia, and Inés home. Another taxi drives by and Aura Maria, Sandra, and Mariana take it to parts unknown. And Wilson invites Giovas out for beers.
When Betty gets to Armando he’s looking at the picture of Bikini Woman. I mentally kick him in the shins and delete the picture.
Armando’s got Ricky’s words running through his head–he’s going to be the best present Betty’s ever had.
Betty’s sorry he got dragged into the party, but Armando says it’s her birthday and they’ll do whatever she wants.
At the police station (that looks like an airport) Pati’s screaming about how they can’t keep her here and her friend is super important. Marcela suggests calling Daniel to get her out of here, but Pati doesn’t want him to see this.
How else is she supposed to get Pati out of here, then?
A cop comes up to take Pati for questioning or whatever.
Berta’s snacking in bed. Enrique would like to be doing some snacking of his own. If you know what I mean.
But Berta’s stuck on figuring out who Sofia could have been on the phone with and she can’t concentrate on anything else.
Enrique would rather celebrate their anniversary.
Berta promises tomorrow they’ll celebrate the 4th of July and Cinco de Mayo and maybe even Halloween. But tomorrow!
Enrique says he’s not letting her off the hook tomorrow.
Armando and Betty get to the hotel room where there are a lot of flashing lights. But they can go if she wants. Betty says it’s…luminous. Yes, she’s nervous, but nothing bad can happen with Armando, right? (I feel like I should be screaming “Don’t do it Betty! Get out of there!” but I’m like “Get it, Betty!” I’m a terrible friend.)
Julia is done washing all the dishes. Demetrio’s upset that Betty isn’t home yet. And hey, how weird that Nico wasn’t here.
Julia suggests they have a tequila and celebrate that they’re alone in the house. She bets he can’t catch her! (Dang, Doña Julia, don’t make him have another heart attack!)
Betty’s in the hotel bathroom brushing her teeth. She looks in the mirror, remembering Mariana saying her big night was about to start…but the face in the mirror turns into a pre-braces Betty and she hears people laughing.
She tells herself that today will be different. Armando loves her. She still has to sit down and trying to calm down.
Ricardo calls Armando to check up on him. Armando says this hotel room is like a dance club. Could he not have found a worse place?
Ricky’s excuse is that if he’d booked a five-star hotel in Manhattan Armando would have been recognized. He seriously thinks that Betty doesn’t know any better and she’ll think this place is elegant. (Dude. Nobody would think this place is elegant.)
Armando says she’s been in the bathroom for half an hour and he wants to run away. Betty doesn’t deserve this. She’s in love with him and she trusts him. Yeah, he took the pill.
Ricky’s being insulting, talking about just turning off the lights and letting nature take its course. And don’t forget their destiny depends on him.
Sofia gets home and comes in the door talking to Charlie on her cell phone. She says she wanted to hear his voice before bed.
Charlie asks what they’re going to do.
She doesn’t know, but he’s the best thing that happened to her. Maybe after she’s divorced they could….
Efrain flips on a lamp in the area at the bottom of the stairs and asks who she’s talking to and what she’s going to do after they’re divorced.
The goddess of chisme visits Berta in the middle of the night and she sits up in bed, yelling “Charlie! It’s Charlie!” Enrique’s like “What happened? Charlie?” but Berta’s already asleep again.
Efrain still wants to know who Sofia’s talking to.
Yeah, it’s a man, but a whole man not just parts like Efrain is.
He tries to get the phone out of her hand, but she picks up a baseball bat and says he’d better not touch her ever again or she’s going to lodge this in his head and accuse him of domestic violence.
Efrain calls her a hypocrite, going around telling everyone he left her when she’s had an amante for who knows how long.
Sofia says he’ll never find out, but she’s sure she’ll be way happier after the divorce than she ever was with him.
Efrain tells her to yell a little louder so the kids will hear. He’s screaming in her face that the kids are supposed to be her priority because she’s a mother, but she’s forgotten about morals and decency!
And he moved his lover into this house with their kids. He needs to shut it or this time she’ll kill him.
Jenny comes downstairs to defend her cucaracha. Should she call the cops?
Armando’s sitting on the bed trying to look like the cover of a romance novel.
Betty comes out of the bathroom still dressed. She was too embarrassed to take off her clothes.
Armando’s like “It’s OK, I’ll take care of it.” (Excuse me…I need a moment….) And I really don’t think he’s faking that smile. Elyfer’s version of their song is playing. He turns the lights out, but Betty would rather look at him. Armando’s fricking DELIGHTED. She wants her glasses on too, so she can actually see him. She reaches for her boots, but Armando tells her to keep them on (hey, I’m not judging).
He starts unbuttoning her blouse and kissing her torso. Betty looks like she’s into it, but then she remembers that laughing and jumps out of bed, saying she doesn’t want to do this anymore.
What did people say?
- Zangolotearon – from zangolotear, to shake